She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize
