Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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