he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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