True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
