I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
it's like iHOP with fire
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
