Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want to be your penis for a week.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
