Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
