his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
