Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
