He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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