His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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