Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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