Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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