Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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