is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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