I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
