the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
