Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
