at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
