I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
