Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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