Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
