there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
