What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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