Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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