I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
