could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
