I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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