There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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