garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Randomize
