i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
