also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
