I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
