Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
