I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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