In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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