Just fell off a train. Bad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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