Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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