All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize