I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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