never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
