I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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