me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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