you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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