As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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