i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
