I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
