just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
pray to the hookup gods
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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