Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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