I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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