I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
