did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
