I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
