Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
