did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
