I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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