i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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