There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
