The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
