I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize