Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
