I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
