Whod you bang
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
