I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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