I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
