Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
