I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize