She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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