just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize