you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
