Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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