yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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