i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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