i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
