remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
