This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize