Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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