Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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