Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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