I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
