I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
