i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
