its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
