he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
