I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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