i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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