I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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