Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
