so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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