She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
