My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
