Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
