Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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