Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
