shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
