I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
