Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
