I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
