he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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