I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
