1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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