i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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