My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My ATM looks so different sober.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
