I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
