I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
