We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
