to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
