The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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